Guacamole

You can make guacamole in almost anything, but there’s something about the texture of guacamole made in a molcajete that is superior to all other techniques. They’re a pain in the ass to clean and an even bigger pain to get back from Mexico in one piece, but I regularly manage to do as half-assed a job on the former as I did in the latter (yeah, my molcajete has a large chip in the side that was likely scattered on a baggage belt somewhere).

There are hundreds of variations on this, if not more, and I by no means claim that this is superior. But before you start telling me about your guac that has foie gras mashed in, or parsnips, or XO sauce, or bacon, let me just say this: fuck you. You get good quality, perfectly ripe avocados, and how can you argue with this? This one is mine, not because others can’t or don’t do it, but simply because I like it the most. It’s basic, and if you do want to start adding other stuff, this is an excellent launching point.

Ingredients:

• 2 perfectly ripe avocados
• 1 medium tomato, perfectly ripe, diced
• 1/4 medium red onion, diced
• 1 large handful of fresh cilantro leaves, washed, dried, and minced
• juice of 1 very juicy lime, with more to spare
• a few dashes of vinegar-based hot sauce, like Cholula
• salt and pepper

Directions:

Place the onions and tomato in the molcajete, sprinkle with salt and pepper (a coarser grind on both is better) and mash for about a minute, until you have a chunky, frothy soup-like consistency.

Slice the avocados in half from north to south (that is, through the poles, not the equator), all the way through, then twist to separate into halves. Sink a large knife into the pit using a quick, downward hack (find this on youtube if you don’t know what I’m talking about) and discard the pit. Work quickly now so that the avocado doesn’t discolor.

Slice the avocado with any knife in a broad cross-hatch pattern, then scrape into the molcajete. Get every last bit of flesh, then pound gently and begin to incorporate. When it’s still chunky but beginning to incorporate, add the lime juice and hot sauce. Mash some more until it’s almost done (you can leave it as chunky or make it as smooth as you like), then add the cilantro and continue. Evaluate seasons and adjust as necessary.

Scoop into a bowl and apply to whatever you’re eating – chips, a burger, your damn truffled foie gras or whatever – and enjoy immediately.