Cheesy Mashed Potatoes

Some training may be necessary to handle this one. It is distinctly decadent, decidedly delicious, and definitely dangerous to anyone who ventures near it. One serving probably contains as many calories as the FAO recommends a grown man receive in a day. Nonetheless, this is delicious, and there’s virtually no end of variations to the recipe. Of course not. Can you add different kinds of cheese? Of course. Can you add chopped fresh herbs, roasted garlic, or wasabi? Please do! Can you double the amount of butter this recipe calls for, and substitute heavy cream for the milk? Why the fuck not!? I do call for different variations in a couple different recipes in this collection, but we’ll call this a basic template for mashed potatoes (with the addition of cheese). The only real way you can fuck this up is if you over-mash, in which case you’ll end up with a glue-like paste that is better suited for wallpapering your house (which I do not recommend attempting on your own, no matter how easy YouTube makes it seem) than eating. This is simple enough to avoid.

You want your potatoes to be as light and fluffy as possible, which means mashing them to the bare minimum necessary to achieve a smooth consistency. I find that milk actually works better than cream in this case, but it has more to do with the type of potatoes you use and the instrument of mashing. Potatoes obviously contain a large amount of starch, which I understand is made of little packets that swell when cooked. The starch is actually the gluey stuff, so the more of these packets that you break when mashing, the gluier the mixture will become. Use a blender or a food processor, and it’s over before it begins; similarly, spend too long working the potatoes with a hand masher, and you’ll end up with a sticky mess. For a worst-case-scenario, check out fufu, which is made by pounding cassavas, yams, plantains, or a mixture, until you end up with a dense sticky blob. That’s the desired result, and you might find this delicious, but that’s not the goal here. I find that an electric hand mixer on the lowest setting or a standard potato masher works best. There seems to be universal agreement that a potato ricer yields the fluffiest possible mashed potatoes, but I actually don’t own one and find the process a bit tedious.

I mentioned that the type of potato also factors in – waxy or smooth-skinned potatoes tend to hold their shape better than russet potatoes, which makes them better for things like potato salad or breakfast potatoes, but worse for mashed. You have to put in that much extra effort to break them down, so more starch packets get broken in the process. You can make mashed potatoes with almost any variety, but the fluffiest will always be with russets. (Red Bliss potatoes with the skins on actually make a great version of what is sometimes called smashed potatoes – the goal is for it not to be smooth, but to be minimally mashed and have nice chunks of potato and potato skin floating around in the mixture. Make these with sour cream, fold in some scallions, and you won’t be disappointed.)

Ingredients:

• 2.5 lbs russet potatoes
• 1 TBS white wine vinegar
• 4 TBS butter, cut into 1-TBS pieces
• 1 cup milk (ish)
• 6 oz cheddar cheese, grated
• Salt and coarsely ground black pepper

Directions

Peel the potatoes and rinse them off. Slice them in half lengthwise, then in half again, so it’s quartered lengthwise. Slice these quarters about four or five times across, so you’re left with roughly 1-inch chunks. Place them in a large pot of cold water. As always when boiling potatoes, you want to start them in cold water, so they cook as gently as possible. If you plunge raw potatoes into boiling water, the outside tends to cook instantly and then over cook, so you’re left with a slimy, gooey film on the outside of each chunk. I can’t say the science behind this, but I assume it has to do with the starch packets bursting.

I like to take the milk and butter out at the beginning of the process, so they come up to room temperature. Add some salt and the vinegar to the pot and place on high heat. There should be plenty of water in the pot, so it doesn’t become too starchy itself. Bring to a boil, stirring once or twice. While the potatoes are cooking, grate the cheese and set aside. Boil the potatoes for about 10-15 minutes, testing the potatoes with a fork, or squeezing them between tongs. When they fall apart easily, they’re done. Drain them and return them to the pot, then work quickly to capitalize on their retained heat.

Add the butter, milk, cheese, plenty of salt and pepper, tossing once or twice to evenly distribute everything, then begin mashing. Again, you want to minimize the amount you mash, so work efficiently. Avoid side to side slashing motions, as this won’t accomplish much except for tearing starch packets. You may need to occasionally fold over or redistribute the mixture gently with a spoon. Add a little more milk if it seems dry. Taste to evaluate seasonings, adding more salt and pepper if necessary.

Serve immediately and enjoy, or reserve for another use.